First time in London? Here’s how to make your trip as easy and pleasurable as possible

If you’re planning your first trip to London and are feeling perhaps a little intimidated, never fear- your local personal guide is here. I’m the best tour guide in London because I’m local, I know the best places to go, and I usually get naked too.

As a seasoned Londoner and well-organised hedonist, I’m going to give you a brief rundown on how I would go about my first trip, including first places to stay and eat, indispensable apps to download and the piece de resistance, a truly excellent and highly legit London-specific escort directory.

Not left home yet?

Then there’s still time for advance planning, truly the hidden key to maximising a business-with-pleasure trip and minimising stress.

Book your hotel before you leave and pay in advance to make check in feel nicer. London hotels I recommend include 45 Park Lane, Bulgari Hotel, The Connaught, Four Seasons Park Lane, the Mandarin Oriental, The Whiteley, and the suites at The Mandrake and The Ned. I do not recommend using AirBnB. Cost-effective alternatives include The Hoxton, Melia White House and Nobu Shoreditch.

And don’t stop there- while you’re booking your hotel, book your two other basic necessities in advance too: your restaurant(s) and your companion(s).

Hotels generally have more rooms than a nice restaurant has tables. And that companion you have your eye on, well, there is only one of her, so she’s even less likely to have room for you last-minute than a hotel or a restaurant.

Don’t travel for hours to the big smoke just to sit alone in your room eating generic room service before leaving Friday morning without having tasted London. Book your companions and restaurants as far in advance as you can, because they get busy.

The best London directory for connecting with companions and kink providers at the moment is KLE (Kinky London Escorts), which is run exclusively and equitably by the ladies themselves, many of whom attend the regular KLE socials and have genuine rapport with each other outside of dating. Everyone involved with the site knowing each other is protection against fake profiles appearing and this tight-knit community with its diverse members list really does represent the very best of what London has to offer. If you have never dated in London before it is absolutely the safest and best place to begin, hands down. And all of us love to eat, which brings us to…

My personal favourite London restaurants and bars include Alain Ducasse at The Dorchester, Canton Blue at the Peninsula, Core by Clare Smyth, the Fumoir at Claridge’s or The Ritz Rivoli Bar for a perfectly mixed cocktail, Hakkasan, Kioku by Endo at Raffles OWO, The Lecture Room & Library at sketch, Nobu Mayfair, Park Chinois (just for cocktails and dim sum though), The Pem at Conrad St James, Pétrus, and The Ritz Dining Room. Pick one or two and book a lunch or dinner there, you won’t regret it. For something more casual, check out ROKA, Dishoom, Bocca di Lupo, Barrafina, Nessa, Ducksoup or Bocconcino, all very central, and all still pretty much requiring advance booking.

Still not casual enough, or is everywhere you wanted to eat booked up? Summer’s coming so go for a stroll around Borough Market (handy for Shangri-La at The Shard, if you happen to be staying there) or get takeout from Harrods Food Hall and have a breezy picnic in Hyde Park.

Getting around in London

There are three ways to travel in London: walking, black cabs, and the tube. I find Uber in London to be unreliable so I don’t recommend it. Instead I use the Gett app, which works just like Uber except it’s for black cabs. The journeys are faster and more pleasant and the roof has a huge sunroof so you can get a better look at the architecture as you go.

The tube can seem intimidating even for those who are used to using metro systems until you start using the free TfL journey planner, which gives you detailed instructions on how to get from A to B. You don’t need to buy a ticket to use the tube or the buses, you can just tap your credit card on the turnstiles as you go. There are free paper tube maps to study at almost every tube station and staff to point you in the right direction.

Walking around Central London (Zone 1, if you’re looking at a tube map) is very pleasant as long as your companion has flat shoes. The only places to avoid are parks after dark. I love walking in London as my preferred mode of transport when I can. Sure my hair might not look quite as perfect as it would have done in a cab, but it’s a great city with historic architecture, buzzing shops and if you like people-watching, you’re in the right place.

London is an exhilarating city with endless opportunities to explore, indulge, and make rich memories. By planning ahead, you can avoid the stress of last-minute bookings and truly immerse yourself in the best that London has to offer. From luxury hotels and gourmet dining to finding the right companion, taking the time to organize your trip in advance will ensure everything goes smoothly and pleasurably. The Gett black cab app and TfL website make transport a breeze, but don’t forget to explore London on foot if you can- it's one of the best ways to discover the charm and beauty of this vibrant metropolis. So book ahead, relax, and most of all, enjoy your time in one of the world’s most dynamic cities!

A Client’s Guide to Avoiding Fake “Escort” Scams

I put up an AMA post on Reddit a while back and someone asked how to avoid getting scammed- it was the one thing holding him back from leaping into the luxurious pleasure of booking an escort. It could have been holding him back for years! I found I had several suggestions to make so I decided to collate them all into a blog. If I think of anything further, I will update :)

Avoiding scams is a topic that comes up again and again on social media, usually in reference to "clients" who refuse to screen or send a deposit because they say they are afraid of being scammed.

I put "clients" in quotation marks because you're not really a client unless you actually meet escorts, and of course you can't actually meet escorts if you don't follow their screening procedures. So really, they are much better described as men who stay home and repeatedly cock-block themselves out of fear.

Firstly, I would like to reassure any potential client reading this that if you are reasonably sober and sensible, you will probably never be scammed.

I have been meeting clients for a few years now, most of whom have far more experience than I do, and have never ever had one mention being scammed. I'm sure it happens, but I don't think it's particularly common. However, it is still perfectly understandable to want to stack the odds in favour of it never happening to you.

What kind of "scams" are we talking about? The ones I can think of are:

• you send an "escort" a deposit and then never hear from them again.

• you book a date with an "escort" who then blackmails you instead of meeting you.

• you meet an "escort" at her home, except instead of an escort, there is a gang of men waiting for you who rob you.

Notice I am also putting "escort" in quotation marks. An escort by definition is someone who honestly and openly dates for money, which is perfectly legal in Britain, but they are obviously not who we are talking about here. A person who steals money is a thief, a person who blackmails is a blackmailer and a gang who rob you are muggers, all of which are completely illegal and should be reported to the police. So who we're really talking about is thieves, blackmailers and muggers, and how to avoid them.

Step 1: READ THE WEBSITE. NOW READ IT AGAIN.

The most important step is the first one: doing your research, which is a fancy way of saying reading.

If you can read, you will probably never be scammed.

Read the escort's own personal website, all of it, not just the directory listings and online adverts you found on Google. 

Directory listings can be a convenient way to discover new people's websites, but may also be years out of date, or even auto-generated and not posted by the lady in question at all. They are fun to browse but do find the lady's personal .com or .co.uk website to ensure you are getting accurate, up to date information. Most also have an X/ Instagram/ Bluesky/ OnlyFans and/ or a blog you can peruse.

If they have gone to the effort and expense of building and maintaining their own website and have been blogging or posting regularly on social media for months or even years then they are almost certainly a real person. The guys who e-mail you saying that you've won the lottery do not go to that much effort.

Step 2: See if she's verified on any directories

Some websites like Tryst will tell you on a lady's profile that she has been "verified", which means a staff member has checked her ID and judged it to be her in her photos. Sadly, there is no equivalent feature for clients, which is why many escorts have to ask you to e-mail them your photo ID directly. Perhaps it is time we started asking websites like Tryst to allow clients to verify too!

Not all legitimate escorts get verified on every directory site, not least because some of them charge for the privilege or report our IDs to US Immigration so we can’t go on holiday (!)- but it's something.

Step 4: Do the communications sound professional? Be honest with yourself.

As a client, I would feel instantly reassured that I was doing the right thing by the perfect balance of friendly professionalism in an escort’s communications with me. Having done my research, I would send all my screening information in the first message if possible and would be very put off by someone who never asked for any, or by a seemingly new lady with adorable pictures and inexplicably low rates.

Why?

Someone could be desperate to meet for perfectly valid financial reasons, but there is a chance that the reason they don't seem at all picky about who they date is because they are actually looking for potential victims. Muggers are not picky and do not need you to screen.

If you send a politely worded initial enquiry and receive a torrent of unsolicited sex chat in return- hit pause. I have never met a genuine sex worker who wants to extensively talk dirty for free. If they seem desperate to turn your head with an unexpected deluge of dirty talk, it might be because they are trying to distract you from noticing other things- such as a lack of normal screening procedure.

Step 5 (optional): Ask if she offers paid phone chat or webcamming

If the lady you are interested in offers a phone chat or webcamming service, you can hear her voice and/ or see her live for yourself before meeting with very little risk. It’s also a nice way to break the ice so you feel more familiar upon meeting. If it isn’t mentioned on her site, ask politely if she would like a tip or gift in exchange for taking time to sit with you and allay your fears.

Step 6: Always meet in a public place

Suggest meeting your date in a comfortable (indoor!) public place such as a nice cocktail/ coffee bar or restaurant, instead of meeting in private straight away. The hotel bar will do fine. When she arrives, you will be able to see for yourself that she is a real lady and not a gang of men about to mug you. 

However, if you still get a bad feeling and your gut tells you to bail, discreetly hand her the envelope and go. Pretend to get an urgent text message if you need to. You are obliged to pay her consideration for the time you booked, but you are not obliged to stay or have any kind of sexual or private interaction with anyone you are not comfortable with. A truly high-class escort will understand. You can always rebook another time if you regret your decision.

What not to do: Ask for a free video call or free selfies

It is lazy, it is obnoxious, it is a security risk (especially for providers who do not publish photos or videos of their faces or voices) and perhaps more dangerously it makes you look like you don't know what you're doing, because it is unnecessary if you have already followed the above steps.

In the unlikely event that a provider agrees to see you after you've made this ill-mannered request, you will have made a horrible first impression that will be difficult to come back from- except possibly with extensive tipping and gifts! Better to just not do it in the first place.

What not to do: Be unrealistic 

If you have researched an escort with a well-written personal website stocked with plenty of photos (not just a directory listing), who:

• is verified on one or more platforms

• has a regularly updated X/ Instagram/ Bluesky/ OnlyFans profile

• has blog posts dating back months or years

• communicates professionally

• does not appear too good to be true

ask yourself how realistic it is that she would throw away her hard-earned reputation, glamorous career and quite possibly a six-figure income to make off with your relatively small deposit.

Would your deposit be enough for a person like this to retire on? Realistically, would it be worth it for them?

What not to do: Freak out

Establishing trust is a normal step along the path to sexual intimacy. If the thought of losing a deposit or being blackmailed frightens you beyond reason, no matter how long and carefully you research, then work instead on accepting that about yourself. Don’t make your fear her problem by lashing out or unfairly implying that she may be some sort of criminal for no good reason. Pause and ask yourself, has this woman actually done anything to me besides giving me a chance and asking me to follow normal client protocol?

Hack: The above process can be circumvented in part or in entirety if you already have a trusted companion you regularly see. Ask her to suggest her favourite friend for a duo date. You can meet someone new in a safe environment with someone you trust.

Final thoughts

Safety goes both ways. Some clients are nervous about getting scammed, whereas all escorts are nervous about getting raped and murdered, which is something to bear in mind when navigating a meeting. However high your stakes are, ours unfortunately are always higher.

If you are still too nervous to meet an escort, consider joining OnlyFans instead.